Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
