I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
