is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
