i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
