This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
