are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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