omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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