I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I deserve this hangover.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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