I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
