eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
