I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
