youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
