we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
