she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
