I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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