I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
