matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
