then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
