I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
