Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
