Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
