Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
