Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
