She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There r osticjed everywhere
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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