Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
