I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
