i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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