Cold hands, warm shart.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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