I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
