Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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