Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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