it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
