How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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