he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
