I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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