my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
smell my finger.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
