playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
