the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
