weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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