Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
