She is in my trunk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
