It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
