Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
