this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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