how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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