I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
