i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
