I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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