idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
ttyl tear gas
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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