i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
