He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
