I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize