Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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