Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
