I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
