I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
