Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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