I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
