Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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