Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
