he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
