u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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