Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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