he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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