Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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