thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I did not marry a roomba.
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