You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
