I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
