haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
