i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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