I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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