so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
